Cohousing Facilitator

In my experience, most communities have both legal documents and community documents and it is worth doing some thinking about how and when to use each. Different communities approach this differently. The challenge comes when different members of that same community approach this differently. That tends to be a recipe for strong disagreements and hurt feelings. I’ll start with a true short story that demonstrates the range of thinking about legal documents. A cohousing resident was concerned about the thousands of dollars her community was spending on attorney fees each year and the impact of the legal advice on community relationships. She called a nearby cohousing community to ask about their attorney. “We don’t have an attorney.” they answered, “But we have had a therapist.” It should be noted that I am a community process consultant, not an attorney, and that bias is likely to show in my thoughts below. That said, I do think legal documents are important and that it is worth t...

Yesterday I met a new neighbor who  was quickly revealed to be a kindred spirit, sharing much of what I value about cohousing.  She told me a story from her Islamic faith that resonated for me. There was a man, the story goes, who was visited by his neighbor.  The neighbor had fallen on hard times and though he had tried to find a solution himself, was now desperate for a loan. The amount of money the neighbor needed to save his home was equal to everything the man had. After he’d given his savings to his neighbor the man’s wife noticed that he was upset. “Are you afraid he won’t be able to pay the money back?” she asked. “No, said the man. I’m devastated that my neighbor was in such desperate need and I didn’t know.” That is what cohousing is all about.  It is about knowing our neighbors and being aware of their need.  It is also about believing and trusting in abundance. It is about investing in each other with our time, talents, and sometimes money wit...

I was in a restaurant this morning when a small child, perhaps two years old, peeked over the back of her booth and waved at me.  You know the kind, great big eyes, curious and enchanted and ready to connect with whatever human being appears before them. I waved back and was rewarded with a huge grin. It was a grin of authenticity and accomplishment, the satisfaction of a deep need being met. It is the proof, if I needed any, that we humans are made for connection. We are born to this. It is our birthright, our talent and our deepest need. Connection is natural and effortless for infants, and for two year olds peeking about in restaurants.   The sad odds are that the contagious grin won’t last. The little girl will be taught not to speak to strangers, to only wave at those she knows, to track a complex system of social norms that will keep her from waving and making eye contact with the people who cross her path.  She will grow up and become like the 30 oth...